"The Gang That Sang 'Heart of My Heart'"

'Heart of My Heart' is an entirely different song, popular in its day, apparently, and not included in this collection, or the last one that I sang from. This song was really fun to sing, somehow capturing a real 'Barber Shop' era feel. I sang it through more times than I usually sing something, at least a half dozen times, which is a compliment in itself.

Today was a bad day. Lots of things made me want to cry, and for a long time, I didn't. I started to think about what that meant, the not-crying. I continue to learn a lot from my daughter: she remembers so much--which makes me realize how full my own brain is. She has an emotional immediacy that is often inappropriate to my adult eyes. But today I wondered about that: what if my own tendency to ignore emotions, turn them away again and again in order to accomplish my daily tasks, 'be mature'--maybe that's what's screwed up. Would it make a difference if I meditated, let my emotions come to the surface fully, before watching them fade away? My husband asked if I could do both, function in daily tasks, and meditate.

I don't know. I do know that I finally did cry, and I don't know that that made things better. Having my daughter show me caring, sympathy, love--that helped. So did the chocolate peanut butter chip cookies, and my husband coming home as a ray of cheerful light, as promised.

My moods pass: maybe that's all I need to know. Maybe that's why it's ok to attempt to function in the meanwhile, why crying is ok, why needing love and attention is ok in the moment. It's like a grand experiment where the journey is the question, the unknown and ever-new, while the outcome is assured.