"The Sound of Music"

I still love this movie, and its music. Another song from my childhood, in that I sung it all the time, reveling and, yea, wallowing in my love of music and singing. Recently rehearsals have begun again for my singing group, and it's very apparent to me that singing with a group is not so good for my solo singing. I'm all about the blending in a group, and when I'm not playing that part, I'm about singing a song in an absolutely clear tone, no vibrato, in order to teach it to the whole group. Singing vibrato-free is useful all around, yes, but the desire to blend with others makes my solo voice less full, less practiced, less brave. I would really love to develop some kick-ass impressive solo vocal qualities at some point. Or maybe I just watched too much 'Rockstar Supernova'.

To paraphrase a Buffy episode I watched recently: The hills have not been alive, of late. I had been hoping that the freedom of my daughter being back in school would have me emerging from my cave of crankiness, singing to the sky.

It hasn't been all bad, certainly, but I've been having trouble keeping the ball rolling, getting things done, even fun just-for-me things. The worst thing, though, is the increasing certainty that I just can't see myself clearly enough to know how I'm doing so far with this life thing. I so want to believe that I'm a better person today than I was, say, fifteen years ago, but I'm just not so sure. I'm a little more mature, whatever that means. I've developed some better coping skills. My daughter probably won't turn out to be an axe murderer. I have many useful and useless small skills. Why do I wake up and just want to cry? That's not a rhetorical question, people.

All this, and more incoherence, is why I haven't written of late. My thoughts don't have method, just madness. Maybe I just need to get started, and see where it takes me.