"The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)"

Somehow, 'Chestnuts roasting on an open fire' doesn't fit the season all that well. But it is the song of the day--or month, since I've missed quite a few posts here. This song is surprisingly fun to sing, it tastes good in my mouth, though that may be the lack of enough singing recently, as well. For the past two years our favorite CD at the winter holidays has been Anne Sofie von Otter's 'Home For Christmas', which is very lovely--except for her version of this song, which somehow does not suit her at all. We skip over this track every time. So I was prepared to not like singing this, and perhaps it's true that my husband wouldn't want to hear it, but it was satisfying to sing.

I have missed writing very much, my head feels full: too much to process and not nearly enough time with adult friends to do much of it at all. My husband's been away for more than a week, which is unusual, and it's left my daughter and I feeling very off balance. I miss him very much.

Someone recently said, having met my husband for the first time, that we seemed like newlyweds, though we are far from that: married for eight years, together for twelve. She said that we did spend most of our time at my birthday party apart, but that we came together now and again like magnets, firmly, before circulating back out through our guests. It seems that we have not yet started to take each other for granted. I like to think that it is at least partially a deliberate choice on our parts, it certainly feels to be that for me.

On a rare occasion I will find another man attractive in some way, and in the last decade it's been an interesting learning experience to have it happen. In my distant and less-than happy past I behaved badly at these times, but when I met this 'force of nature' that I eventually married, that all seemed to slip away. At the time I didn't trust this effortless freedom from temptation at all, but as the years have gone by I realize that force or no force, I was ready to grow up myself when I met him. Now, the attraction I feel for other men merely spices up my life in warm ways. I don't have any need to act on it, and it reminds me of how precious I hold this particular man in my heart, how much I do not want to lose this great gift that is us together.