"That's An Irish Lullaby"

We all know this song as the 'Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-rah' song, and I couldn't have told you what the actual title was before today. I might not remember it tomorrow either. But I did try to pay more attention today while singing it, enjoy the sound in my mouth.

I'm having a parental moment. Or lots of them. It's all this excess quality time with my daughter while she's on her Christmas break.

I look at her and I'm in awe. She's so beautiful, so articulate, so much her own person with thoughts and visions of the world that I will never comprehend. I listen, and am amazed and impressed. Thankfully, she seems to do very well in school, and she's polite with friends and extended family member--since she is repeatedly and reliably incredibly rude to my husband and I of late. Our familial themes recently have been all about being polite, using an appropriate tone of voice for requests, and in general not over-reacting to everything in the world. I pride myself on being able to fix or solve almost anything, and it's disturbing to think that my daughter still has not caught on to my incredible powers in these arenas, and just calmed the heck down.

Of course, the most frustrating thing is remembering that I was once as she is now. She's old enough now that I really can remember, and it's frightening, thinking how much more, how very very much more learning she has to accomplish. How much trauma, real and imagined: and it just doesn't matter which it is, really, to her. It sure didn't matter to me, since it was all real, on some deep level, as I figured out my place in the world.

I'm still figuring it out. Tonight I will be going over my list of New Year's resolutions. Tacky, perhaps, but very helpful to do. I missed doing this last year, and I don't want to miss out again this year. For starters, I can resolve to be more patient with my daughter, to practice what I preach, to be with her in mindfulness. She is by far my biggest hope for the future, and I am determined not to do too badly by her.